Songs I wrote... Let me know what you think...

[MonsterMag]

Man get those looked at my by someone, I think they have potential.
Great Job

[Echo419]

Seriously? Thats cool... I have a friend semi-in a band... he said there effin crazy and wanted to make atleast one into a real song... But then again he just got arrested.

::edit:: thanks for the compliment!

[MayAMonkeyBeYourPinata]

So much anger...

Try mixing up the ryhme scheme or not ryhming at all

Its decent, but when you have 3 ryhming lines in a row it should be broken up.

Good effort though.

[MayAMonkeyBeYourPinata]

And I'm bored so heres something I wrote

Silence

Speak the thoughts you choose to speak
They then will reverberate, and with them the silence will drift away
The thoughts of one, become the thoughts of none
When silence is the utterance of everyone
It takes but one drop to fill a lake
A flood will act the same, but it is a single drop which ends the game
The whisper of silenced injustice spreads like wildfire
Across a forested landscape riddled with arid streams
It burns down their villages and towns to the ground
Where men and woman lay asleep in a prison of their unspoken dreams
The small blue eyed boy next door, burned with scars
Of what they do as he feigns sleep
He lays awake at night and weeps
Soft blond hair drenched in sweat
The damage of his tormented lament
With just one word, a passing remark
The malady would be torn apart
And rain down like a summer sky
In silence, a malignant growth
Will tear his heart apart, and with it
The boy would scream for the first and only time
Injustice lives, when we let it die
It floats into the back of our minds
So let it out, roar when you glimpse
Words of ignorance, ringing out across a sea
Of people who hear only silence, despite the scream
Of an innocent child staring out into the rain

[Echo419]

holy crap pinata... and all the songs up there i actually have a tune for in my head haha... and i do mix up the rhyme scheme alot... well sorta, thanks for the comment

[mcveighr]

Worst rhyming schemes ever.

I like how you rhymed a word with itself several times.

[Echo419]

mcveighr... so ur second comment was sarcasm...?

[SCpoloRicker]

iambic pentameter?

weak STRONG / weak STRONG / weak STRONG / weak STRONG / weak STRONG

DUM da | da DUM | da DUM | da DUM | da DUM
da DUM | da DUM | DUM DUM | da DUM | da DUM
da DUM | da DUM | da DUM | DUM DUM |dada DUM
da DUM | da DUM | DUM DUM | da DUM | da DUM

/serious

[oneworld]

actually i think these would be pretty tight with some music...

awesome job dude.. keep up the good work

[Echo419]

Thanks for the comments guys... Didnt shakespear write in iambic petameter or how ever u spell iit?

[SCpoloRicker]

Thanks for the comments guys... Didnt shakespear write in iambic petameter or how ever u spell iit?

Yes. A good chunk of "medival" literature, particularly plays and novels, was written this way. I sorta always thought it would be cool lyrically.

[quik]

I wrote a song..

One time I got a stye
Guess where it was? In my eye
It hurt so much it made me cry
Then I got a rope and hung myself, hoping to die.

THE END.

[-Tab]

Thanks for the comments guys... Didnt shakespear write in iambic petameter or how ever u spell iit?

yea he did. those songs do have serious potential. nicely done.

[matmc89]

Tin foil...I felt the need to post in your thread. Are you in a band?

[Echo419]

Thanks WhyDoINeedAUserName... man I wish ao wouldnt of cut out sigs, cus i liked urs i designed lol...

Mat no... but i think i could be... but prolly just backgorund vocalists and song lyrics... unless someone wants to teach me guitar... even tho i have one and no the scales pretty much haha... eleven?