~~~~~ao's Official Joke Thread~~~~~

[thecavemankevin]

It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress -- sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom.

She played along and the gorilla got even more excited making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

Then said, "Now, tell him you have a headache."

[Lohman446]

A young Oklahoma cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in North Western Okla.
He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili.

After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't goin to eat that, mind if I do"?

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead".

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili.

The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's about as far as I got too".

[Ole Unka Phil]

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.

"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever yo do to that poor, defenseless creature i shall personally do to you"

"In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss it's butt and let it go...

[p00]

Have you heard of the movie about constipation?

It hasn't come out yet..



Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get the Antarctic Journal.. You get it????


Me neither, I only read the New York Times.




What do you call an asian pirate?


A pirate, you F'in racist... (I'm asian, so it's all pc... for comical effect, you can substitute asian with any other ethnic group you deem fit.)



How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to make me a f'in thaaaanwich.


Why did the feminist cross the road?

To make me a f'in thaaaaanwich