need help! gift for a girl...

[SlipknotX556]

Im telling you man, go with sunglasses...

[Chipper]

Not true. Some of them have poor self-esteem and believe that they don't deserve to wear it. They are uncommon, but some actually think they are a waste of money and would prefer something that she could use - that's a good woman.

But admittedly, it can make them look really pretty.

Maybe he should buy her nothing at all, would that make her happy All-Mighty Miscue?

[Alley]

Not all gifts have to be expensive..... I mean I got car wax and a large window d-cal for valentines day ( well sometime there around, it wasnt exactly on time.) and it was my favoritest present of all. I think I appreciate it way more than diamonds. I'd rather show off my car than a ring! :) But, hey we all have our things.

[tropical_fishy]

I am not a misogynist. My philosophies are more inline with feminism. Feminism to me is not about being anti-male or whatever, but yeah - you can't really talk about feminism without discussing the female relationship with men. Most women are not feminists (although they often think they are a member of the club, just because they are female - and have no understanding of how a straight male can be more of a feminist than they are), and attractive women are the worst candidates for it. It's disappointing - so many industrious women over the years have put much effort into furthering these ideas that women do not have to fall into these traditional, stereotypical roles and can become something much more.

Those sorts are few and far between. Females may not like anything I've said so for, except possibly the previous sentence. Why? Because most believe they are the exception, and it's appealing that there is something wrong with the rest... "but not me, I'm special."

So am I ugly because I'm NOT a stereotypical girl? I think there's a lot more "special" girls than you'll admit... maybe not special girls that you'll date because they're not attractive enough for you, but I think if you'd look around, some of your best female friends will be the kinda girls that are independent and don't expect anything but support from the guy they're dating.

/rant

Moving on:

This part will sound corny. So you've all been warned. BUT specialblend will come in here and back me up-- I'm telling the truth 100%.

I'd rather have a day where we could go to the beach and hang out and talk or go to one of our houses and watch a movie (not a chick flick)than have him spend a whole lot of money on a gift. You know why? I have everything I need. And when I want something, I can buy it myself. Except food, but that's a different arrangement altogether.

So if this were me, I'd tell you to pick a day and leave it totally empty and just go out and do stuff. It doesn't have to cost anything but gas money. **shrug**

[Miscue]

So am I ugly because I'm NOT a stereotypical girl? I think there's a lot more "special" girls than you'll admit... maybe not special girls that you'll date because they're not attractive enough for you, but I think if you'd look around, some of your best female friends will be the kinda girls that are independent and don't expect anything but support from the guy they're dating.

/rant

Moving on:

This part will sound corny. So you've all been warned. BUT specialblend will come in here and back me up-- I'm telling the truth 100%.

I'd rather have a day where we could go to the beach and hang out and talk or go to one of our houses and watch a movie (not a chick flick)than have him spend a whole lot of money on a gift. You know why? I have everything I need. And when I want something, I can buy it myself. Except food, but that's a different arrangement altogether.

So if this were me, I'd tell you to pick a day and leave it totally empty and just go out and do stuff. It doesn't have to cost anything but gas money. **shrug**

Absolutely not. Unattractive (ugly/fat) girls can be stereotypical girls as well, of a different sort. Those are the kind that are more likely to stick around in abusive relationships, are known to try to make up for their looks by putting out more, have to develop better personalities to compensate and attract attention, and have to make a living for themselves because it is more difficult for them to snatch a male who makes good money. If they were born hot, and had the same exact brain - they would have developed in much the same way as the girls that they are jealous of.

The hot girl who has few other redeeming qualities is way more desireable than the tatanka with good personality traits. I admittedly do not have any interest in waking up next to a tanker, regardless of her personality.

My idea of what is attractive doesn't mean cover-girl. And indeed, a good personality can make her more attractive - and a bad one can make her less attractive. Her mannerisms, or that "something about her," can make her way attractive.

This list is not complete... I don't think I'll work on it any further though:

Hottie w/good personality/intelligence > Cute w/good personality/intelligence > Hot-Beeyatch > Cute w/bad personality/intelligence > Tatanka with great, or horrible personality (It makes absolutely no difference, her status as tatanka greatly overshadows personality)

Hottie w/good personality/intelligence is very rare, and is already taken. If you get in line or get lucky by being in the right place and right time... there's hope with this one if you are a desireable male. However, not much hope.

Cute w/good personality/intelligence is the same as above, but maybe with a slightly better glimmer of hope.

Hot-Beeyatch already has one primary boyfriend, one boyfriend she's thinking of making her primary, and a half-dozen other lesser boyfriends.

Cute w/bad personality/intelligence is similar to Hot-Beeyatch, but not nearly worth the effort to try to get into her circle.

Tatanka - can be found grazing in the great plains.

[Miscue]

Not all gifts have to be expensive..... I mean I got car wax and a large window d-cal for valentines day ( well sometime there around, it wasnt exactly on time.) and it was my favoritest present of all. I think I appreciate it way more than diamonds. I'd rather show off my car than a ring! :) But, hey we all have our things.

I couldn't help but to laugh at this. "Not ALL gifts have to be expensive."

But some gifts better cost a lot, right?

BTW... Trop Fish...

For some reason I suspect that you are maybe late teens, I could be wrong. If this is the case, all of your perspective males (unless they come from rich families) are relatively poor because they are still in high school or early college. Cheap/free gifts are okay at this point in your life, that's all you can realistically expect. As you get older, and prospective males are in the next chapter in life where they are getting their career going, etc... your ideas/expectations very well could change.

If you are in your mid 20's or older, and you are being truthful... I congratulate you for being one of the "special" girls that you were referring to. There needs to be more of your sort.

[Alpha]

Girls are shallow. Something expensive and italian would do the trick. A gucci handbag?

[covadsucks]

Write her a poem, or just go to Poetry.com and steal a good one...women love that stuff as well as expensive baubles.

[Cameo]

.

If you are in your mid 20's or older, and you are being truthful... I congratulate you for being one of the "special" girls that you were referring to. There needs to be more of your sort.

Sigh, Miscue some things your write are true generlizations. Please note that there is always an exception to the basic mold or rule. I am now over 25 (ick) and think your generlizations are very superficial thoughts. And i mean that in the nicest way.
I don't think I am picky when it comes to guys (but nice eyes does help). I serioulsy have always just wanted someone who repected me and who could put up with my personality. I honelsty do not have a ring on my finger because I choose not to. I have had long term relationships, and also have many male friends. I see no reason to hurry and get married to someone just to prove a social status. Marriage should be for love, I intend for it to be that way when it finally does happen.
Saying that ugly/fat girls are more likley to put up with an abusive male is such a horrible and small minded statement. Through personal experinces, and then helping others you see all types. Age, weight, height, nationality, education, money, and spokemodel appeal has absolutely nothing to do with it. I think you will find that the hot/gorgeous chicks are very insecure, more so then the "plain janes" or "girl next door" types. The hot chicks work hard to be hot and never think it is good enough. To busy worring about what others think (of them) to realize how beautiful the world around them and how wonderful people can truely be. Superficial guys make that worse.
And getting back to the main point of this thread. I would wager that a chick would know better what to get another chick. Or even a guy who is happily married, and has succeeded in making his female happy a few times would be better at suggestions (moreso then a single guy).

[Cameo]

Write her a poem, or just go to Poetry.com and steal a good one...women love that stuff as well as expensive baubles.

Wonderful idea... And putting such a poem (or song lyrics) on the back of a picture of the two of you, your favorite picture of her, or a place you have gone means alot. It is 2 memories that tie together to remind a person of the happiness that was there. One of my most tresured gifts is one just like this that one of my best guy friends sent to me years ago.

[covadsucks]

Wonderful idea... And putting such a poem (or song lyrics) on the back of a picture of the two of you, your favorite picture of her, or a place you have gone means alot. It is 2 memories that tie together to remind a person of the happiness that was there. One of my most tresured gifts is one just like this that one of my best guy friends sent to me years ago.

It's always worked for me -course you gotta have some real game to keep her once you've got her attention...

[Miscue]

Maybe he should buy her nothing at all, would that make her happy All-Mighty Miscue?

I tried that with my previous ex, and this is what came of it...

My philosophy was this, and it still is:

I will not buy her gifts. I have an intense fear of someone being with me because of what I can materially provide. I'll pay for food and stuff - that's not a big deal - and I still have a sense of chivalry.

"Why don't you ever get me anything like a normal boyfriend?" she asked. I told her that some day I'd like to. I explained that I have my insecurities, and I simply cannot do that until I am fully confident that she is with me for the right reasons. "The other guys bought me stuff." The first thing I thought was: These guys cheated on you, lied to you, had other girlfriends, did things to hurt you, and were pathetic human beings who tried to buy your affection... why are you even bringing this up? I don't want any part of our relationship to have anything to do with material things, and please - do not buy me anything.

But she would buy me some small things anyway - and I didn't like her doing that. (She got me a new wallet, and I'm not even going to comment on the irony) And then what does she do... complains that she got me something, and I did not. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I'd make exceptions with traveling, we both enjoyed it.

I was a poor college student, every dime I made from my student job went to school and gas, I had to ask for gas money from my parents all the time, and I put myself into debt to be able to do stuff that I wanted with her - and didn't tell her that's what I had to do. I even put all my paintball gear up for sale, which was important to me at the time. Most of it I did not buy - I got stuff from AGD for helping out with AO - and someone pointed out to me that it was unethical to profit from gifts. I didn't really think about it like that, agreed with him, and then I had to do something I hated to do... borrow from my friends. My parents were unable to help me out for a while... they had issues of their own.

So for Christmas... I did make an exception - it's XMas afterall. I got her some nice clothes from Ann Taylor that she liked. She didn't even tell me that she did or drop hints, but I knew. I thought she'd appreciate that I got exactly the right size for her... and paid attention to things she liked. She was happy and excited for a few minutes, but then she told me "I thought you didn't have any money." She pried some more and acted like I was hiding something, so I was honest with her and told her that my mom asked me what I wanted for XMas, and I asked for those clothes. She was angry with me because it "didn't come from me." I told her that I felt bad about that, but I was hoping that she would have noticed the gift that did come from me, and only me... that I paid attention to subtle details about her because I cared enough to do so.

I semi-seriously told her that the gift I look forward to is new socks. It's not an interesting gift for most people, but I honestly get excited about new socks... and I'm a bit particular with what kind I wear. It partly has to do with having a sense of humor as well. She got me a nice watch instead... I mean, it was nice and all... but I much prefer something that says, "I remember those subtle things about you too."

[tropical_fishy]

I couldn't help but to laugh at this. "Not ALL gifts have to be expensive."

But some gifts better cost a lot, right?

BTW... Trop Fish...

For some reason I suspect that you are maybe late teens, I could be wrong. If this is the case, all of your perspective males (unless they come from rich families) are relatively poor because they are still in high school or early college. Cheap/free gifts are okay at this point in your life, that's all you can realistically expect. As you get older, and prospective males are in the next chapter in life where they are getting their career going, etc... your ideas/expectations very well could change.

If you are in your mid 20's or older, and you are being truthful... I congratulate you for being one of the "special" girls that you were referring to. There needs to be more of your sort.

Yeah, you're right, i'm 17. But I've always been this way, and I don't plan on changing. Money doesn't bother me. I'm a pack rat, I don't spend unless I need to, and I don't expect any bf of mine to spend either.

Please don't brush me off as not knowing what I'm talking about just because i'm young.

[Miscue]

Sigh, Miscue some things your write are true generlizations.

They certainly are, but you say this as though it is self-evident that generalizations are universally bad. This is not the case - sensible generalizations must be separated from those that are not. For instance, I could make the generalization that typical females are physically smaller than typical males. If you want to make a case for your point of view, provide a better alternative than what I have suggested.

Please note that there is always an exception to the basic mold or rule.

Absolutely! However, this acknowledgement of an exception is in contradiction with your previous implication that my "generalization" by nature is unsound. A general rule allows for the possibility of such an exception! So which is it? You can't have it both ways.

I am now over 25 (ick) and think your generlizations are very superficial thoughts. And i mean that in the nicest way.

I actually put a lot of thought into it, and have been thinking about this subject for a while now. You might not like my ideas, and you might be able to provide a better approach and offer a better explanation if you tried, but I disagree with this idea of superficiality.

Saying that ugly/fat girls are more likley to put up with an abusive male is such a horrible and small minded statement.

I think we can all agree that there are women who put up with abusive males - and the reverse is true. And I think it is fair to say that there is a correlation between low self-esteem/self-image/etc. and a person's willingness to put up with an abusive partner.

Now, on average - who is going to be more confident: An attractive girl who is used to getting a lot of attention from men, or a fat/ugly girl who is ignored in comparison. I'm not talking about exceptional cases here.

[Miscue]

Yeah, you're right, i'm 17. But I've always been this way, and I don't plan on changing. Money doesn't bother me. I'm a pack rat, I don't spend unless I need to, and I don't expect any bf of mine to spend either.

Please don't brush me off as not knowing what I'm talking about just because i'm young.

Absolutely not.

Here's the thing: Right now, the most you can hope for with prospective males in your age group is that they have a car, and can take you to a movie or In-N-Out Burger from time to time.

"So if this were me, I'd tell you to pick a day and leave it totally empty and just go out and do stuff. It doesn't have to cost anything but gas money."

It seems to me that you've already maxed out!