Should I talk to this married woman??

**slade** · 10-09-2006, 08:02 PM

Originally posted by grEnAlEins

Just curious, but how would you fellas (or ladies) handle a situation like this, where no actual act was performed (no services rendered

), but there was a legit effort put forth? I think I said it before, (don't recall and too lazy to check, but I thought it) I would probably cut'n'run

if they thought about it or had the opportunity and decided against it, no problem. if they did something minor and admitted it, i'd look past it. if they tried to cheat, cheated, lied, etc... cut and run ASAP.

**grEnAlEins** · 10-09-2006, 08:13 PM

Originally posted by slade

if they thought about it... and decided against it, no problem.

not to harp on this or anything

but does the thought really not bother you? That is what would get me...

**slade** · 10-09-2006, 08:36 PM

Originally posted by grEnAlEins

not to harp on this or anything

but does the thought really not bother you? That is what would get me...

well, yes it would, and it would also depend quite a bit on the circumstances... but the fact that they decided against it would make it at least acceptable.

**tropical_fishy** · 10-09-2006, 08:36 PM

Originally posted by grEnAlEins

not to harp on this or anything

but does the thought really not bother you? That is what would get me...

I dunno. Doesn't everyone think, or at least have a fleeting thought about cheating at one point or another? The difference is between action and thought. Everyone has irrational, even insane thoughts. I don't think you can hate or think badly of someone for thinking about cheating if they make no action towards doing it.

**slade** · 10-09-2006, 08:37 PM

Originally posted by tropical_fishy

I dunno. Doesn't everyone think, or at least have a fleeting thought about cheating at one point or another? The difference is between action and thought. Everyone has irrational, even insane thoughts. I don't think you can hate or think badly of someone for thinking about cheating if they make no action towards doing it.

well, i suppose the thing is "thinking" is so vague. is it a brief fleeting thought or something more substantial?

**grEnAlEins** · 10-09-2006, 09:01 PM

Originally posted by tropical_fishy

I dunno. Doesn't everyone think, or at least have a fleeting thought about cheating at one point or another?

No. Thought has never crossed my mind. {enter someone to call shens, but it is the truth}

Everyone has irrational, even insane thoughts. I don't think you can hate or think badly of someone for thinking about cheating if they make no action towards doing it.

True, but action is derived from thought. The whole "Yeah, I could bang Billy and he would never know, but I will not because blah" thing does not blow my skirt up (not that I wear skirts

) The thought is still bad. I can't say that I would be super pissed off about it, because it hasn't happened (that I know of

), but I would be hurt for sure.

**grEnAlEins** · 10-09-2006, 09:03 PM

Originally posted by slade

well, i suppose the thing is "thinking" is so vague. is it a brief fleeting thought or something more substantial?

I was on the "somthing more substantial" train of thought.

**PumpPlayer** · 10-09-2006, 09:29 PM

Wow... miss a weekend, miss a lot.
Don't you guys ever play paintball?

RbF's statement on page 6 is something I was surprised to see.

I know I'm a bit within the "moral minority" with my no sex with anyone you're not married to so it's somewhat interesting to see that I'm not completely alone.

Anyhow, on the current issue... yes, it is better if the act itself is not committed. It doesn't impact the relationship between you and your wife much differently but it does save the "other guy" from being involved. As with RbF's post, it's sometimes refreshing to see that there are people around who still have morals congruent with your own. Even if you never meet the guy, it's nice to know that there are people like that out there. Not much consolation, I'll admit, but it is something.

More importantly, it give you an opportunity to repair things without any remaining bad blood.

Once a spose cheats, I would imagine that even if forgiven, it's always going to be on their mind. They may even resent the precieved lack of anger on your part and cheat again just to get a rise out of you. With the "no sex" situation, it seems that it would be easier to reach a mutually acceptable peace. Much different? Really? No, but it may prove to be easier in the long run if you decide to stay together.

Slade, about my "endorsement" of divorce in light of the "there is no one and only soul mate" comments...

Absolutely not.
I said that I do not believe that two people are ever "made for each other". Just as with everything else in life, I believe that you have to chose whether or not to express a love with someone. I'm not so sure that absolutely anyone can love anyone (in a husband-wife type of love at least) but I do believe that they can certainly refuse to carry a love forwards. You have to say "yes" to love, I think.
Without choice, it's not worth it, if you ask me.

That said, once you say "yes" and you get married, you're obligated to keep your vows, 'till death do you part. I recognize that people will change even if they are married. It is still their responsibility to love, honor, cherish, etc. their spouse even through those changes. Even through changes, it's still the same person.

As for cheating to fill up an emptiness your spouse doesn't provide... that's crap, man. It's a cheap way out and the sh*t thing of it is, it doesn't even solve the 'problem'. Marriage is not about sex, contrary to what a lot of people apparently believe. Marriage is about love, commitment and family. Sex is simply one means to those goals, albeit the most natural and recognized of those means available. A sexless couple could just as easily adopt and still share fully in a married relationship. Uncommon, perhaps, but possible.

**tropical_fishy** · 10-09-2006, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by PumpPlayer

As for cheating to fill up an emptiness your spouse doesn't provide... that's crap, man. It's a cheap way out and the sh*t thing of it is, it doesn't even solve the 'problem'. Marriage is not about sex, contrary to what a lot of people apparently believe. Marriage is about love, commitment and family. Sex is simply one means to those goals, albeit the most natural and recognized of those means available. A sexless couple could just as easily adopt and still share fully in a married relationship. Uncommon, perhaps, but possible.

Humans are sexual beings (for the most part... I have a few friends I wonder about). No, marriage doesn't equal sex, but a couple who is unhappy in bed is more likely to have problems in other aspects of their relationship.

**billybob_81067** · 10-09-2006, 11:37 PM

Originally posted by grEnAlEins

The whole "Yeah, I could bang Billy and he would never know

Please don't....

/for the love of God!!!! Noooooooo!

**kosmo** · 10-10-2006, 03:26 AM

Originally posted by grEnAlEins

No. Thought has never crossed my mind. {enter someone to call shens, but it is the truth}

Oh look, a virgin.

**Altimas** · 10-10-2006, 06:42 AM

Seriously? Did you do her or not? We need to know...

**grEnAlEins** · 10-10-2006, 11:04 AM

Originally posted by kosmo

Oh look, a virgin.

fair enough. In my defense:
1) I believe that sex is to be an act of consummation of love. I have not been lucky enough to meet a girl that I felt/feel love for (not romantic love anyways). Tried dating a couple chicks and saw that I definately didn't love them. In fact, I learned I didn't even like most of them. In short, the "HS relationship" thing didn't do anything for me.
2) I am a tough grader, especially when it comes to this sort of thing
3) I am not a good looking guy by any stretch
4) I am not wealthy
5) I come off as an A-hole (bad first impression personality wise)

My idea about what sex means may be flawed, it is certainly not common... as for the rest, they are personal problems.

**tropical_fishy** · 10-10-2006, 11:18 AM

Originally posted by grEnAlEins

fair enough. In my defense:
1) I believe that sex is to be an act of consummation of love. I have not been lucky enough to meet a girl that I felt/feel love for (not romantic love anyways). Tried dating a couple chicks and saw that I definately didn't love them. In fact, I learned I didn't even like most of them. In short, the "HS relationship" thing didn't do anything for me.
2) I am a tough grader, especially when it comes to this sort of thing
3) I am not a good looking guy by any stretch
4) I am not wealthy
5) I come off as an A-hole (bad first impression personality wise)

My idea about what sex means may be flawed, it is certainly not common... as for the rest, they are personal problems.

I think that Kosmo's point (however sarcastically he chooses to package it) is that you don't know, nor do you completely understand the facets that sex adds to a relationship. It makes things infinitely more complicated. Most people have had that fleeting thought of, "I could totally do _______ and _________ would never know about it." The difference is between doing it and thinking it.

**kosmo** · 10-11-2006, 04:48 AM

Yeah, what she said.

Egads, I just realized how absolutely effed up my sex life is. Damned army screws everything up. Well, no, its not entirely the armys fault. Its more like 65% womens fault 34% armys fault, 1% the presidents fault.

/off to, uh, the bar

Should I talk to this married woman??

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