Should I talk to this married woman??

[BeaverEater]

well if you main reasoning is who decided it was considered to be wrong its a fairly empty argument. You could keep going with your reasoning and say why is it wrong to steal or murder. It has been decided by the structure of society a long time ago. Some societies deem it as acceptable, but the majority dont.

[geekwarrior]

and again, would you do it to your friends wife? no. just because you dont know the other guy doesnt make it ok. thats just an excuse so you dont feel guilty about it

[punkncat]

No, no, no, no, no. Just because she doesn't have a ring on her finger, that doesn't mean it's okay to hit it if she's got a boyfriend. She's in a relationship. Not cool.

Damaged goods, huh? Pffffft. You just invalidated your entire opinion.

Lohman's been cheated on-- been in a bad, even abusive, marriage. How come he isn't "damaged goods?" But to an extent, I see his point. The male getting into the relationship with the married woman is less at fault than she is. She's the one that went and got married (which seems like a bad plan all around), she's the one looking for someone to sleep with, she's the one looking for an affair, for whatever reason she's looking for said affair.

No, you shouldn't sleep with a married woman. You shouldn't sleep with a taken woman. End of story.

Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons. Anyone who is involved in a "long term" relationship, and claims to love the other and hasn't committed to the relationship (through marriage) has some sort of issue either with themselves or the partner.
The whole point of dating is to find someone who you are interested in to some degree either for right now or down the road. Thats why you are dating and not married. There are no rules concerning dating someone who is dating. No commitment, no papers. That does not mean I am trying to say there should not be some disclosure/honesty about the situation between the dating couple....

Yes damaged goods. Either she is screwing around on her husband, which makes her damaged, or she is looking for someone else to do for her what she can't or won't the "proper" way (divorce) so once again, damaged.

From the posts Lohman is making here, yes I would say he is definately damaged goods. I hope he is playing devil's advocate to some degree. MOST SURELY by and probably because of his experiance with ex.....

IF you know someone is married and you continue down a "relationship" path with said individual it brings up many questions about your character. You may not have made vows to either of those people, but you have to recognise that they did, and you are involved at least to some degree in the destruction of that sanctity. Everyone knows what is involved in being married and facilitating the object of said unfaithfulness is tantamout(sp) to commiting it yourself.

[tropical_fishy]

Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons. Anyone who is involved in a "long term" relationship, and claims to love the other and hasn't committed to the relationship (through marriage) has some sort of issue either with themselves or the partner.
The whole point of dating is to find someone who you are interested in to some degree either for right now or down the road. Thats why you are dating and not married. There are no rules concerning dating someone who is dating. No commitment, no papers. That does not mean I am trying to say there should not be some disclosure/honesty about the situation between the dating couple....

Yes damaged goods. Either she is screwing around on her husband, which makes her damaged, or she is looking for someone else to do for her what she can't or won't the "proper" way (divorce) so once again, damaged.

From the posts Lohman is making here, yes I would say he is definately damaged goods. I hope he is playing devil's advocate to some degree. MOST SURELY by and probably because of his experiance with ex.....

IF you know someone is married and you continue down a "relationship" path with said individual it brings up many questions about your character. You may not have made vows to either of those people, but you have to recognise that they did, and you are involved at least to some degree in the destruction of that sanctity. Everyone knows what is involved in being married and facilitating the object of said unfaithfulness is tantamout(sp) to commiting it yourself.

I don't understand what you mean by damaged goods. Hell, someone could be damaged by their first long-term relationship, or by molestation in their childhood... but is that the kind of damaged you mean? Is becoming "damaged goods" purely a function of whether or not you're married and divorced?

I don't care what you say: when a person is in a long-term relationship, that bond between them is just as legit as a marriage vow. Just because they haven't wanted to get married for some reason does not mean that they're any less in love.

[slade]

Why is your question? It is a simple answer of morality, ethics, and respect.

i just realized that what you said wasnt worded too well. "1. Having sex with someone not married to you - wrong." ...is that with someone not married to you or anyone, or someone not married to you but married to someone else?

I don't care what you say: when a person is in a long-term relationship, that bond between them is just as legit as a marriage vow. Just because they haven't wanted to get married for some reason does not mean that they're any less in love.

thats pretty much what i was going to say to punkncat.

a marriage vow in itself holds no significance, other than artificial and legal. it could mean everything or nothing. what matters is the relationship between two people, whether theyre married or not.

a marriage ceremony doesn't mystically endow a relationship with love, meaning and committment, and the fact that someone isn't married doesn't mean that they aren't committed, the person is "fair game", or "Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons".

[Lohman446]

Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons. Anyone who is involved in a "long term" relationship, and claims to love the other and hasn't committed to the relationship (through marriage) has some sort of issue either with themselves or the partner.

I disagree. What about an "open" marriage per agreement of the parties? I use this as the counterexample. If two people are in a monogomous(sp) committed relationship marriage vows are meaningless. How can one justify "invading" a such a relationship and not a marriage?

[stop whining buy a mag]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with me. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married , I was like and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said immediatly said no, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before so I am not sure it was a good response. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will I kind of feel sorry for her husband though. All I think she wants is a b00ty call. Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath this would be. She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.

I finally feel the need to post in this thread after all the talk of morality and morals.

Do whatever the heck you want to do.

I don't believe in much of this wedding and morality garbage so I'd do it.

[geekwarrior]

I finally feel the need to post in this thread after all the talk of morality and morals.

Do whatever the heck you want to do.

I don't believe in much of this wedding and morality garbage so I'd do it.

there we have it, the winner!

do what ever the heck you want, because in the end, who gives?! its all about me, myself and I, what ever the - I want to do is ok, because I dont answer to anyone. Stab you friend in the back, piss on the marraige vows, go hump anything that moves because you dont have character enough to find someone single! Its great to know there's always scum out there who are going to hit on my wife, and try to get in bed with my daughter because they feel like personal gratification. Morals? who nees them, take what you can and give nothing back. I do what I want when I want because I'm the poop and I dont give a rats about anyone else. The only reason I HAVE friends is so I can have personal gratification and so I can see what I can get out of them. Relaitonships? who needs them when theres always the hooker down the street, or the whore who's just looking for a good time like me.

[Lohman446]

there we have it, the winner!

do what ever the heck you want, because in the end, who gives?! its all about me, myself and I, what ever the - I want to do is ok, because I dont answer to anyone. Stab you friend in the back, piss on the marraige vows, go hump anything that moves because you dont have character enough to find someone single! Its great to know there's always scum out there who are going to hit on my wife, and try to get in bed with my daughter because they feel like personal gratification. Morals? who nees them, take what you can and give nothing back. I do what I want when I want because I'm the poop and I dont give a rats about anyone else. The only reason I HAVE friends is so I can have personal gratification and so I can see what I can get out of them. Relaitonships? who needs them when theres always the hooker down the street, or the whore who's just looking for a good time like me.

If you beleive the majority of Americans 18-30 hold true to "no sex unless married" I think you are sadly mistaken. This started out asking you if this is a position that was taken before marriage or just a convenient position after you were married, but I was concerned your answer would be reflective of a very very small percentage of the population in the current generation.

Most people in that age bracket who trumpet "no sex outside of marriage" do so only after being married, and many of them were not exactly shining examples of their own new found beleifs.

[geekwarrior]

If you beleive the majority of Americans 18-30 hold true to "no sex unless married" I think you are sadly mistaken. This started out asking you if this is a position that was taken before marriage or just a convenient position after you were married, but I was concerned your answer would be reflective of a very very small percentage of the population in the current generation.

Most people in that age bracket who trumpet "no sex outside of marriage" do so only after being married, and many of them were not exactly shining examples of their own new found beleifs.

Um, what? I wasnt talking about no sex until married...and I'm not that niave to think that most people wait until married. I while I havent trumpeted no sex until marraige because I know the majority laughs at that, I could and I would be a shiny example, so sit back down. If you dont beleive that fine, but respect someone else's vows. Just because the woman doesnt seem to want to uphold her vow (although again, who said she was looking for sex) doesnt mean that vow has been broken yet.

[slade]

there we have it, the winner!

do what ever the heck you want, because in the end, who gives?! its all about me, myself and I, what ever the - I want to do is ok, because I dont answer to anyone. Stab you friend in the back, piss on the marraige vows, go hump anything that moves because you dont have character enough to find someone single! Its great to know there's always scum out there who are going to hit on my wife, and try to get in bed with my daughter because they feel like personal gratification. Morals? who nees them, take what you can and give nothing back. I do what I want when I want because I'm the poop and I dont give a rats about anyone else. The only reason I HAVE friends is so I can have personal gratification and so I can see what I can get out of them. Relaitonships? who needs them when theres always the hooker down the street, or the whore who's just looking for a good time like me.

what if you do whatever you want to do, but what you want to do is guided by your own sense of morality?

[geekwarrior]

what if you do whatever you want to do, but what you want to do is guided by your own sense of morality?

yes your OWN sense of morality....so go ahead, do what you want. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone has to believe in some religious teachings. All I'm saying is that alot of this discussion has been argued by thinking of self, and self gratification. your still stabbing the husband in the back, wether you know him or not. but no one seems to have aproblem with that.

[Lohman446]

yes your OWN sense of morality....so go ahead, do what you want. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone has to believe in some religious teachings. All I'm saying is that alot of this discussion has been argued by thinking of self, and self gratification. your still stabbing the husband in the back, wether you know him or not. but no one seems to have aproblem with that.

The argument is that you have no obligation to the husband. That is solely the wife's. I'm not arguing anything non-consensual

[geekwarrior]

The argument is that you have no obligation to the husband. That is solely the wife's. I'm not arguing anything non-consensual

and why not? just because you don't know him?

[Lohman446]

and why not? just because you don't know him?

Because I made no wedding vows to him, nor have anything defined by friendship. I understand the watch out for your fellow man, and I very generally follow that. However, in the partciular circumstance I don't see it. Remember, I beleive, truly, that marriage is already gone when she looks to cheat - assuming she did. As noted thats not clear.