Should I talk to this married woman??

[Lohman446]

I still think it's going against your fellow man, but if you don't have a problem with that, oh well I guess. It certainly has been interesting hearing the arguements on here, but maybe its time to let this thread die.

I argue for the sake of arguing, I like to :). Factually, I have far less interest in a short term relationship than I had ten years ago, and would probably pass on this particular set of circumstances. And, since I have noted such circumstances are not good for long term... well you get the drift

[Pneumagger]

The poster knows it's not right to pound this tied down broad. She want's it, he want it, period. I think his primary concern in posting was to get other opinions about it.

Ya'll need to watch more "Sex in the City" and less "Jerry Springer"

also:

She is not a garage for your penis.

This need needs discussed in a separate thread with a poll

[geekwarrior]

The poster knows it's not right to pound this tied down broad. She want's it, he want it, period. I think his primary concern in posting was to get other opinions about it.

Ya'll need to watch more "Sex in the City" and less "Jerry Springer"

also:

This need needs discussed in a separate thread with a poll

you know, we all made a mistake in assuming she was going to put out. But the fact that they didnt "git down" the first night kinda sounds like she's looking for someone to talk to too.

[PumpPlayer]

"Penis garage" is awesome! I'll vote for that.


Back to reality...

I've avoided this thread until now but like bad daytime TV, you need to take a peek every once in a while just to see what you're missing. Note that I have actually done it due justice by reading the thing and I'll try not to simply repeat other posts.

I think SBF has it pretty close.


First of all, morality IS black and white. At least in so far as right and wrong can be defined within a given situation. Killing is an absolute wrong but I think we can all agree that within some situations, it can be justified. (hint: anger that your wife cheated on you is not one of them)

Sexual promiscuity is hardly on the same level as murder and I'm not trying to suggest that it is, although there is still a very clear-cut guideline for right and wrong. It is wrong to have sex with anyone you're not married to. Done. Sure, I'll accept that other people don't believe that pre-/extra-marital sex is immoral. However, that doesn't mean that I think morality is strictly relative. My morality applies to everyone and I'm not going to excuse an action simply because someone else doesn't believe that it's wrong. I'm not perfect myself by any means, but I'm not going to fudge morality just because someone else doesn't think as I do. Of course, I'm not going to go around condemning people - that's stupid and hypocritical.

I will, however, present my opinion when asked. PF asked what we think he should do. My opinion is that he shouldn't mess around with married women.


Secondly, there is some truth in that, at least in America, sexual promiscuity isn't criminal so long as it occurs between consenting adults of legal age, married or no. However, it is a civil grievance and is recognized as a mitigating/aggrivating factor for most proceedings. One should be careful not to put themselves in a legally vulnerable position. From a legal perspective, it's much better to divorce/separate with a clean record than one where the other party has evidence of sexual infidelity.


Thirdly, speaking of evidence of infidelity, it's not wrong to collect it. I will grant you that it is less than honest and certainly not ideal behavior to spy on one's spouse. However, when you're faced with such a problem (especially as a male, given that legal decisions statisticaly favor women), the personal danger of being unprepared outweighs a right to "privacy".

Now I use the word "privacy" in quotations because you stil need to abide by the regulations for lawful search. If you snap some pictures of two people walking through a park together, for example, that's acceptable as they were in public. Spying inside another residence or tracking a private vehicle or computer is out, though. Green light if you can prove partial or full ownership, though.

If you suspect that your wife is cheating on you, the first thing you should do is go to a lawyer and follow their instructions as far as you feel comfortable with them. From a strictly legal point of view, that is.


Lastly, regarding advice to the unmarried...
As for me, I'm 23 and engaged to a girl I've been dating for over 7 years. I love her very much and I look forward to getting married next year. We have not had sex yet, in case anyone is really all that interested, not that it's anyone's business. I generally don't mention anything regarding sexuality but in the context of this discussion, I feel it is warranted.

Suffice to say I know, work with, have met, etc. some very "salty" people in my short time on Earth. Many of them have given me the "don't get married" speech part out of genuine concern for me and part out of personal therapy and validation for them.

I think it's total BS. There is a reason marriage exists and even outside the realm of religious influence, that reason is pure. Perhaps you feel that I'm naive, but 'true love' does exist. Not that it's the fairy-tale version of "happiness for ever after", but true, honest, selfless love does indeed exist. I certainly agree that far too many people think that a loving relationship means that both parties should be "happy". Happiness isn't really the issue - love is.


If this woman is out clubbing with the intent of cheating on her husband, then there is clearly something wrong with their relationship, as so many others have pointed out. However, IMHO, that's none of your concern and you would do best to refuse to be a party to it and simply walk away. I feel that it's immoral to have sex with a married woman and I don't mind saying so, but it's only an honest suggestion and nothing more.



Of course, if you're just looking to get your rocks off and you don't care... well, whatever then.

[bleachit]

She's ALLOWED to do so

there is a RING and a marriage CONTRACT that says otherwise.

if she doesnt WANT to be there then she SHOULD get a DIVORCE.

[geekwarrior]

Pumpplayer- just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your response.

That is all.

[Lohman446]

I am going to reiterate a very general point. For a man to cheat means far less than a women cheating. As a general rule women are much more emotionally invested in the sexual act than men. Both are wrong I'm not defending one over the other.

And there may be some truth. Is "do you mind talking to a married woman" a hint that I'm married and not going home with you, if its all about sex find someone else? Someone may be looking far to shallowly into the conversation.

[Pneumagger]

seconded, good post pumpplayer

[SCpoloRicker]

I slept with a married woman last night. I feel bad. (was late to work)

/Lykis 101
//ladder theory
///lol@ pump player

[geekwarrior]

I slept with a married woman last night. I feel bad. (was late to work)

/Lykis 101
//ladder theory
///lol@ pump player

so did I. and she cooked me breakfast.

/lol@those who have to go looking for sex

[SCpoloRicker]

so did I. and she cooked me breakfast.

/lol@those who have to go looking for sex

Uh, you missed a step in there.

/not married

[geekwarrior]

Uh, you missed a step in there.

/not married

no, I got it. But i think you missed the step, the whole " do you ricker..."

and nice you slept with a married women. was that before or after her husband....

/lol @ sloppy seconds

[slade]

First of all, morality IS black and white. At least in so far as right and wrong can be defined within a given situation. Killing is an absolute wrong but I think we can all agree that within some situations, it can be justified. (hint: anger that your wife cheated on you is not one of them)

Sexual promiscuity is hardly on the same level as murder and I'm not trying to suggest that it is, although there is still a very clear-cut guideline for right and wrong. It is wrong to have sex with anyone you're not married to. Done. Sure, I'll accept that other people don't believe that pre-/extra-marital sex is immoral. However, that doesn't mean that I think morality is strictly relative. My morality applies to everyone and I'm not going to excuse an action simply because someone else doesn't believe that it's wrong. I'm not perfect myself by any means, but I'm not going to fudge morality just because someone else doesn't think as I do. Of course, I'm not going to go around condemning people - that's stupid and hypocritical.

why is there a clear-cut guidline? who created that guidline? why is it "wrong" to have sex with anyone you aren't married to?

I think it's total BS. There is a reason marriage exists and even outside the realm of religious influence, that reason is pure. Perhaps you feel that I'm naive, but 'true love' does exist. Not that it's the fairy-tale version of "happiness for ever after", but true, honest, selfless love does indeed exist. I certainly agree that far too many people think that a loving relationship means that both parties should be "happy". Happiness isn't really the issue - love is.

so is there only one perfect person or "soul mate", or are there multiple people someone could be in "true love" with?

[billybob_81067]

there is a RING and a marriage CONTRACT that says otherwise.

if she doesnt WANT to be there then she SHOULD get a DIVORCE.

You know I was just about to post that exact same response to Tropical Fishy's post and when I scrolled down lo and behold you had already done it for me!

If that woman is truly that unhappy she should get a divorce BEFORE screwing around.... not after.

[PumpPlayer]

Slade,

I don't mind defending my ethical ideals but rather than get deeply into a religious and moral discussion in order to do so (which would just unnecessarily clutter the already huge thread), suffice to say that the moral guidelines I subscribe to are the product of a wealth of theological information and historical precedent combined with a personal belief in their accuracy. I believe that everyone knows right from wrong regardless of what they are taught but that through experiences, we can support or break down that which we "know" naturally.

In short, I believe that it is so and I believe that my morality is not subjective - it applies to everyone. I wouldn't dare berate my sex-having friends for their actions as that's just stupid. I don't particularly approve of it but it's not my job to judge. I'm far from perfect myself, even within the context of sexuality. As to why I believe that it is wrong to have pre-/extra-marital sex?

Simply put, sex is, at an ideal level at least, a key component to a loving, permanent ('till death, anyhow) relationship which serves to deepen that love and to procreate. Anything less than that is less than ideal. Is less-than-ideal sex wrong in terms of the burn-in-hell type thing? I don't really think so, but I'm sure some people might. I do think it is wrong, though, and I'm not going to try and justify my own or someone else's actions by lowering the standards.



As to whether there is one perfect "soul mate" for everyone or not... I don't think there is. It wouldn't make sense if there were. Not only do remarried widows/widowers strike that one right down, the fact that people change to a certainly does. I know I am not the same person I was when I was 13 and I seriously doubt I'll be the same person I am now at 33. Sure, some things remain the same but by and large, people change as their experiences change.

In light of that, I don't think that it makes sense that there would be one and only one "soul mate" for every person. In fact, I would go so far as to say that there's no "perfect" mate for anyone at all. Couples are always going to have minor grievances with each other, no matter how "compatible" they are.

~Side note, compatibility in a relationship is BS. I don't care what eHarmony says, a good relationship is about shared love and commitment, not whether you both like the same flavor of ice cream.~

The vital thing is that they realize that the love and commitment is more important than whatever the problem du jour happens to be. It's foolish to assume that a problemless relationship can be expected, is proper or common, that it necessarily provides hapiness to each party or that current problemlessness is a sign of a healthy relationship.

Sh*t happens, deal with it. Deal with it together, but deal with it. Be willing to compromise.
And you know what the crazy thing is? None of that has to do with sex.




And there I go typing too much again...