Official "Stupidest Thing a Customer has said" thread

[Thordic]

I have a good one from my short-lived employment as a help desk / field technician for a college IT department. I only worked there for about 3 months and never went back.

One day, I answer the phone, and its one of the professors, who is having trouble with his PC. He says that the screen is black and it won't do anything. Having dealt with a lot of dumb professors so far, I go through the whole "Is it turned on?" and "Have you tried rebooting it?" He was getting a bit angry, and sputtering "Of course its turned on, I'm not an idiot. And I tried rebooting it and it still won't do anything!"

So I told him that I'd mark him down for a visit and send someone out there to take a look at it. It was a fairly slow day, so a little while later I decided to just head on over and fix it.

I get over there, and hes pacing back and forth because he needs his computer working NOW, and its already been a whole 15 minutes since he called.

So, of course, the first thing I do is hit the reset button. The PC boots right up and is working normally. I don't make any comments but I just say that it should work fine now and Im about to leave when he says:

"Thanks so much, that a**hole on the phone didn't know anything"

At that point I just had to say "I was the a**hole on the phone". The look on his face made my day. He started sputtering and I just walked out. I left the job shortly after but I'll always have this memory

[Altimas]

Yeah I have had people call me get mad at the response I have given and cuss me out then just hang up on me. Then about 30 minutes later I'll get a call from the same person and they'll tell me how much of a jerk the last person they talked to, even though i gave them the same information and was just as nice as I was earlier..I usually get hung up on again shortly after I tell them that I was the jerk they talked to a while ago.

[grEnAlEins]

Story about Sue

Dude, that one about "Sue" was horrible. It was funny and all, but I just got about 101 mental images that I did not need It was funny though

[WaffleBaron]

I will never go sailing again...

[Altimas]

I got that call the day I typed it.

[RoadDawg]

I can't unlock my desk drawer. I go over to see what the issue is and insert the key and it unlocks it. She says "how'd you do that?", my response was, I put the key in and turned it.


There was a sewer leak at one of our locations. Manager said, there is mud coming up the sink, my response, "it's not mud!" Manager then asks... "what is it?"

[thecavemankevin]

There was a sewer leak at one of our locations. Manager said, there is mud coming up the sink, my response, "it's not mud!" Manager then asks... "what is it?"

its chocolate, willy wonka's factory has a chocolate spill into the sewage system....try some wont you?

[stop whining buy a mag]

its chocolate, willy wonka's factory has a chocolate spill into the sewage system....try some wont you?

Note that he said Manager. I'm guessing it may be someone above him on the pyramid. Would probably make a first though. Fired from _______ for tricking manager into eating crap.

I'm currently helping my dad with a project that he has to do. He is a Manufacturers Rep for several companies that sell to Lowes Home Improvement. He mostly deals with stuff in the rough electrical area. Every so often, an area will get reset. Meaning a whole team of guys come in, rearrange the shelves and bays to the new planogram (computer made drawing of what the bays should look like). I have a survey done a while ago by another company that shows how many bays each store has of the 3 product areas I'm checking. I simply ask them how many bays they have of blue plastic boxes, steel boxes, and metal outdoor weather proof. So far I've racked up all these and I only have 150 of the 1263 Lowes stores done:

"I've only been working in this area for a few days. Let me transfer you to my manager." Usually this ends up being a 30 minute ordeal where I am sent from person to person that has no clue what I'm talking about. If I'm lucky I'll get a manager that has a clue. I've gotten 10 of these so far I think.

"Well let's see I've got E3895489..." They just start reading off part numbers. I've gotten two of these and they really confuse me.

When you call the store you get an operator and you tell them what department to be transfered to. I say electrical and so far I've been transfered to plumbing, lumber, and lawn and garden.

"I'm in the break room right now, give me a second to get out there. Hold on, I can't find a spot to set my drink down." This call lasted 15 minutes, most of the time spent by this guy getting out of the break room.

"Call back when my manager is here. They can help you." No, trust me, this takes someone with an IQ of roughly 40 to do.

"What aisle is that in?" There are several variations of stores. I have no clue, you should.

Just got done with one today where I was transfered to the manager (who barely spoke English) because the employee was "new at this". After 10 minutes we got it figured out and then he asked "Do I have to order this or are the reset guys bringing it?". If you've worked there long enough to be a manager you should know that. If you'd like to order it and set it all up yourself that's fine though. It will only take 8 (competent) employees 6 hours to complete.

Last week I called the most redneck store in Alabama. The guy on the other end was REALLY nice but clueless. That call took me 30 minutes to complete and I was transfered through 10 people before I got right up to the store manager. He manages a 120,000 square foot store but right when I told him what I was looking for he knew exactly where to go. How does it happen that a regular employee who spends 8 hours a day in the same 1,000 square feet can't find 2 huge bays of blue boxes but the store manager who runs the whole freaking store knew the brand name and has never worked in electrical?!?!

So far I've found women are the most helpful/fun to talk to. They aren't depressed about their job and are really nice on the phone.

/I've talked to 10 old guys named Larry. No joke. Thought it was weird that ever few stores I called I got an old guy named Larry that took forever to walk down the aisle.

[RoamingStorm]

"does that salad have real lettuce"

[hitech]

/I've talked to 10 old guys named Larry. No joke. Thought it was weird that ever few stores I called I got an old guy named Larry that took forever to walk down the aisle.

You know, I'm getting tired of EVERYONE busting on Larrys...

[Altimas]

"Last week I called the most redneck store in Alabama. "

Don't be hatin....

[stop whining buy a mag]

"Last week I called the most redneck store in Alabama. "

Don't be hatin....

If I couldn't understand them I'd be hatin but I've been living in NC for 4 years now so I'm used to the redneck mumbling.

But on a positive note for the south, every single person I've called south of the Mason Dixon line has been very friendly to me instead of treating me like I'm a pain in the bunghole to deal with. Speaking of bungholes, some of the guys in NJ need to take some classes on people skills. One guy got mad because I was asking him about more than one thing.

Update your blog! I've been dying to read it. It's probably the funniest thing I get to read all day.

[Glickman]

"does that salad have real lettuce"

actually thats soylent green, sir

[Maksimus54]

Ive heard some dumb ones from a summer camp. One kid in particular was on KP duty and just didn't get it. Don't know what was wrong with him, just didn't get it. The very beginning of KP a leader explains how it will go, first you pick up the big bowls that held food, then small bowls, plates, cups, and finally silverware. Kids start picking stuff up and bringing it back to the kitchen when this kid has a leader come over to ask a question. What simple question could lead this kid to be such a moron you ask? "Is this a bowl?" and then later "is this a plate?" Needless to say we were just a little bit astounded at the childs lack of intelligence.

[ScatterPlot]

It will only take 8 (competent) employees 6 hours to complete.

8 hours for 6 employees to set a plano?


(snickers)