Official "Stupidest Thing a Customer has said" thread

[MoeMag]

After working at the paintball store for some time I finally got one!

"What kind of hopper will fit my Angel? I just want something that is cheap and fits 'cause none of mine fit " (puts customized '06 fly in front of me)

My response "how about a vl 200, its gravity feed, and at $4.99 its a great hopper, I bet it will fit"

Stupid kid "Cool! that will work"

Me "give me about 10 minutes to install it, let me have the gun and I will go in back to work on it, I will come get you, when its done"

- runs in back: Not 5 minutes earlier a shop south of town called our store to report 5 stolen guns. This angel was one of them.

/called cops
//stupid kid got hauled off

I kid you not.

[Pballwizz]

This didnt happen to me but one of my co-workers and I heard about it. I work at a fish counter in a grocery store. Looking at the live, moving lobster, a woman asks "Are they fresh?"

[MicroMiniMe]

This didnt happen to me but one of my co-workers and I heard about it. I work at a fish counter in a grocery store. Looking at the live, moving lobster, a woman asks "Are they fresh?"

Mmm, well.
They could have been living in the tank for many days. I think 'fresh' refers to how long it has been out of the ocean. Fresh frozen is also a valid description if its only been two days or so.

/The correct answer would have been "get closer to the tank so the lobster can see up your dress/shirt and we'll see what he says..."


For my own 'stupidest thing', it would have to be a college student who called the health lab number for documentation of his Whooping Cough so he could suspend his student status for his sickness. Um, yeah, we have his test results that we sent to HIS DOCTOR.

[Alley]

I work in a bank...a college student comes into the bank (goes to show what his parents money is paying for in education) "How is my account overdrawn?!! I still have checks!!!"

[Mango]

When I used to be a salesman at Tweeter Etc. (a high end home audio/vide and car audio retailer) a few black guys came into the store and this is how the conversation went:

Black Guy 1: "Whatchu got dat goes BUMP?"
Black Guy 2: "yeah dat goes BUMP bah-bump BUMP!"

I stare at them in massive confusion but reply "What do you mean 'goes bump?'"

Black Guy 1: "We needs speakers that BUMP you know, slammin jauns nahh i mean?"

Me: "So you want really loud subs? For your car?"

Black Guy 2: "Yeah yo, yeah."

Me: "Well we have these JL W6's, they'll bump like no other with the right amp juicin' em up yo."

Black Guy 1: "Dats what Imtalkinbout" /points
Black Guy 2: "yeahhh how much, how much?"

Me: "They sell for $499 a peice, just the speaker."

Both Black Guys "whaaaaattt!?"

/black guys exit the building

[Skittle]

When I used to be a salesman at Tweeter Etc. (a high end home audio/vide and car audio retailer) a few black guys came into the store and this is how the conversation went:

Black Guy 1: "Whatchu got dat goes BUMP?"
Black Guy 2: "yeah dat goes BUMP bah-bump BUMP!"

I stare at them in massive confusion but reply "What do you mean 'goes bump?'"

Black Guy 1: "We needs speakers that BUMP you know, slammin jauns nahh i mean?"

Me: "So you want really loud subs? For your car?"

Black Guy 2: "Yeah yo, yeah."

Me: "Well we have these JL W6's, they'll bump like no other with the right amp juicin' em up yo."

Black Guy 1: "Dats what Imtalkinbout" /points
Black Guy 2: "yeahhh how much, how much?"

Me: "They sell for $499 a peice, just the speaker."

Both Black Guys "whaaaaattt!?"

/black guys exit the building

Dude thats all I deal with all day long, those stupid ghetto people are so worthless. IF they died, the world would be a better place.

/ forgot to mention how they come back with the 49.95 lanzars breaking to piece in the truck of thier 84' caprice classic

[shadow462]

THis thread is so wonderful. I've worked in retail, I've waited tables, bartended, been a referee for 7 years, professional photographer. I could type these stories for 24hrs a day and go months without stopping. However, some of the shiniest gems of human stupidity come from my current job, in a hospital.

This week's #1 draft pick for the special olympics:

I'm staffing the registration desk in our Outpatient Diagnostic Testing Department. An outpatient comes to me to check in for her scheduled test. This test is a BARIUM ENEMA. Barium is a liquid that is radio-opaque, which means it shows up on xrays. You know what the enema part means. To prepare for this test, a patient must use 2 Fleet Enema kits (basically a bag if salt water with a tube you flush up your tail pipe) the night before their test to 'clean out' the area to be tested. Here is an abbreviated version of the conversation that ensued.

"Good morning, ma'am, how can we help you?" :smilie:

"I'm here to check in, I'm supposed to have a Barium Enema at 9."

:: I explain her consent forms and other paperwork to her, she fills it out, and I escort her to the Radiology department.::

"We'll need you to change into this gown, ma'am. You need to take off everything but your socks and shoes. When you're done, have a seat in the waiting room on the right."

"Thanks... this test uses that barium stuff, right?" :roll eyes:

"Yes, it does."

[Here it comes kids...]

"How much of that stuff do I have to drink?"

"None, ma'am."

"But you said..."

[long pause]

"Ma'am, did yo complete your prep with the fleet kits as instructed when you made your appointment?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Ma'am, if you were going to drink the barium... why would you need to use that particular method to prepare for your test?"



[the rest of the conversation was mostly terror on her face, and me excusing myself to laugh hysterically]

[firebanex]

i work as a life guard and last year the diving boards were removed for various reasons.. one being they were pretty old and prolly not safe anymore. but I'm still getting people who come in look around and then ask me "where are the diving boards" i just look at them for a few seconds thinking.. well lets see they ARE NOT HERE!

[Altimas]

This is just to awesome of a thread not to ressurect...plus... I can plug my blog.

http://service-rep.blogspot.com

Question:

If I made all my posts into a book and added about 20 other stories would you buy it?

[slade]

This is just to awesome of a thread not to ressurect...plus... I can plug my blog.

http://service-rep.blogspot.com

Question:

If I made all my posts into a book and added about 20 other stories would you buy it?

prepare yourself for 20,000 "yes" responses, and then 2 preorders

[Altimas]

Yeah thats what I was thinking too...I've always wanted to write a book and get it published. So support my dreams..or whatever..

[Triangle]

I Manage a Carvel Ice Cream store down here in San Diego.

If any of you are familiar with Carvel, then you know that all dipping flavors are made from the soft-serve machines.
Including Vanilla.


Female Customer: "This soft server [vanilla] is too sweet, I want the hard vanilla"

Me: "Ma'am, both of the Vanilla's are te one in the same, they're made the same way, one is just frozen, while the other is soft serve"

Female Customer: "That Vanilla is too sweet, I want the hard vanilla!"


Me:" Sure thing, Ma'am."

[grEnAlEins]

Yeah thats what I was thinking too...I've always wanted to write a book and get it published. So support my dreams..or whatever..

I think I would buy one. Those are some great stories...

[Glickman]

I would highly suggest you send all your stories into maddox to get them edited.




stories by him seem to be awsome x 100

[skife]

I would highly suggest you send all your stories into maddox to get them edited.




stories by him seem to be awsome x 100

maddox is a douche he wouldn't edit them at all.