Should I talk to this married woman??

[RavishingEddie]

AHHHH I created a monster! All I wanted was simple advice :spit_take

[-Tab]

Trust me, I know the feeling, but that doesn't make it okay to go out and castrate men (or women) who your wife chooses to be with. Because as screwed up as it is, she's ALLOWED to not want to be with you anymore. She's ALLOWED to do so, and shouldn't fear for her safety or the safety of others if, for some reason, she does leave you.

I have a hard time fathoming where this mindset comes from.

Ya know, I almost felt badly for you because of your relationships, but not so much anymore.
Does a ring mean anything to you? Do wedding vows mean anything to you? Does a wedding mean anything to you?


I have a hard time fathoming where your mindset comes from.
You really disgusted me with that post, and I'm not even married.

[Lohman446]

Ya know, I almost felt badly for you because of your relationships, but not so much anymore.
Does a ring mean anything to you? Do wedding vows mean anything to you? Does a wedding mean anything to you?


I have a hard time fathoming where your mindset comes from.
You really disgusted me with that post, and I'm not even married.

They are contractual obligations at most under the legal system. They do not excuse behavior on a man's part that makes someone feel physically unsafe in doing anything that is not a direct and imminent physical threat. I don't care what someone does (short of a threat of imminent serious bodily harm, kidnapping, or rape) there is no excuse to take physical action against them. "OMG if you touched my wife I'd killed you cause I'm so much more moral" is perhaps the peak of hypocrisy.

[-Tab]

They are contractual obligations at most under the legal system. They do not excuse behavior on a man's part that makes someone feel physically unsafe in doing anything that is not a direct and imminent physical threat. I don't care what someone does (short of a threat of imminent serious bodily harm, kidnapping, or rape) there is no excuse to take physical action against them. "OMG if you touched my wife I'd killed you cause I'm so much more moral" is perhaps the peak of hypocrisy.

The legal system can call them contractual obligations all they want, but marriage is a promise. There may not be an excuse (even though, I believe there is) to take physical action against them, but there is absolutely no excuse for cheating on your husband or wife. Being unhappily married has got to quite possibly be one of the crappiest things in the world, but I don't believe that justifies cheating. I also dislike divorce, but I'd much rather divorce my wife then have her cheat on me. I guess it's the lesser of two evils here.
I will agree with you on the physical action aspect. It doesn't need to happen, but nothing needs to happen to provoke it, either.

I understand I have a huge lack of knowledge when it comes to this stuff as I'm only a teenager and have hardly thought of marriage, but I hate cheating. Very few things make me as angry than even the mere thought of cheating.

[tropical_fishy]

Ya know, I almost felt badly for you because of your relationships, but not so much anymore.
Does a ring mean anything to you? Do wedding vows mean anything to you? Does a wedding mean anything to you?


I have a hard time fathoming where your mindset comes from.
You really disgusted me with that post, and I'm not even married.

Let me clarify: I don't condone cheating. But I also don't like the idea that a person should be bound to someone if they're unhappy. I'll be honest... if a wife is in an abusive marriage, and cheating on her abusive husband empowers her, I don't have an issue, regardless of wedding vows. That's more what I was thinking of when I was writing the post... if a guy (or a woman, but I'll generalize and say most of the time it's the man abusing the woman) is abusing his wife, he's breaking his wedding vows... even voiding them.

Do I think you should end a marriage or relationship before cheating? Yes. Of COURSE. Cheating and being cheated on sucks monkey balls. Do wedding vows mean anything to me? No, not really. I'm not a big fan of marriage. But I do respect other people's marriages.

Lastly: I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me about my relationships. You don't know his side of the story, nor do you know the circumstances surrounding the cheating. I could be at fault-- you don't know. I just add in my personal experience so you know where i'm coming from.

[-Tab]

Let me clarify: I don't condone cheating. But I also don't like the idea that a person should be bound to someone if they're unhappy. I'll be honest... if a wife is in an abusive marriage, and cheating on her abusive husband empowers her, I don't have an issue, regardless of wedding vows. That's more what I was thinking of when I was writing the post... if a guy (or a woman, but I'll generalize and say most of the time it's the man abusing the woman) is abusing his wife, he's breaking his wedding vows... even voiding them.

Do I think you should end a marriage or relationship before cheating? Yes. Of COURSE. Cheating and being cheated on sucks monkey balls. Do wedding vows mean anything to me? No, not really. I'm not a big fan of marriage. But I do respect other people's marriages.

Lastly: I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me about my relationships. You don't know his side of the story, nor do you know the circumstances surrounding the cheating. I could be at fault-- you don't know. I just add in my personal experience so you know where i'm coming from.

I totally agree on the abusive part. If I had an abusive husband, I wouldn't have any problem breaking my wedding vows.
What I got our of your post was "cheating is OK, and I will even support it."
Obviously, that's not what you were saying. My apologies.
For me, wedding vows and a ring would mean everything. But who knows? Maybe my view of marriage will coincide with yours someday. I'm sorry you had to be that unlucky one.


I also realize you're not asking me to feel sorry for you. From being "around" you on the forums, I know you're not one of those people, thank God. But I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out, and I can understand why you have the outlook you do have on marriage. I also hope that maybe you'll find someone else to give it a second shot at and change your view.

[tropical_fishy]

I totally agree on the abusive part. If I had an abusive husband, I wouldn't have any problem breaking my wedding vows.
What I got our of your post was "cheating is OK, and I will even support it."
Obviously, that's not what you were saying. My apologies.
For me, wedding vows and a ring would mean everything. But who knows? Maybe my view of marriage will coincide with yours someday. I'm sorry you had to be that unlucky one.


I also realize you're not asking me to feel sorry for you. From being "around" you on the forums, I know you're not one of those people, thank God. But I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out, and I can understand why you have the outlook you do have on marriage. I also hope that maybe you'll find someone else to give it a second shot at and change your view.

LOL. I'm ALMOST 19. And not ANYWHERE near married.

[billybob_81067]

LOL. I'm ALMOST 19. And not ANYWHERE near married.

I got married when I was 19!

[tropical_fishy]

I got married when I was 19!

Yeah, I can't even imagine going anywhere near marriage for the next 10+ years. It blows my mind when I hear about people getting married so young.

[IronCore]

The only reason I even bothered to think this through is because she looked so dang fine and had a nice round b00ty, but a girl like that can get any guy I guess, so I'm sure something has to give. The weird thing is that she teaches dance class at a local youth center close to my house, and is the same youth center I worked at when I was in High School. I wish I would of asked how big her husband was .

The closest I came was when I met a lady about the same age and she was foxy as well and had a boyfriend who was in jail for drug trafficking. It was october 04 and he was to get out december 04. I did my with her stopped talking to her November 04. But this is different because he can get me and is not behind bars So I am leaning to no here.

AHHHH I created a monster! All I wanted was simple advice :spit_take

...do a poll.

My vote is YES.

Looks like you have a taste for women that are already taken.

No worries, Karma will come back and bite ya

[BeaverEater]

well the whole once a cheater always a cheater comes to mind when i think about this. I mean frankly i think cheating is ethically wrong and technically illegal in marrige. But you have to stop and think if your the only one shes going after. You may be able to dodge her husband but what about possibly others. Karma will probably turn out that her husband is a Navy SEAL or something in that nature.

[slade]

Slade,

I don't mind defending my ethical ideals but rather than get deeply into a religious and moral discussion in order to do so (which would just unnecessarily clutter the already huge thread), suffice to say that the moral guidelines I subscribe to are the product of a wealth of theological information and historical precedent combined with a personal belief in their accuracy. I believe that everyone knows right from wrong regardless of what they are taught but that through experiences, we can support or break down that which we "know" naturally.

In short, I believe that it is so and I believe that my morality is not subjective - it applies to everyone. I wouldn't dare berate my sex-having friends for their actions as that's just stupid. I don't particularly approve of it but it's not my job to judge. I'm far from perfect myself, even within the context of sexuality. As to why I believe that it is wrong to have pre-/extra-marital sex?

Simply put, sex is, at an ideal level at least, a key component to a loving, permanent ('till death, anyhow) relationship which serves to deepen that love and to procreate. Anything less than that is less than ideal. Is less-than-ideal sex wrong in terms of the burn-in-hell type thing? I don't really think so, but I'm sure some people might. I do think it is wrong, though, and I'm not going to try and justify my own or someone else's actions by lowering the standards.

As to whether there is one perfect "soul mate" for everyone or not... I don't think there is. It wouldn't make sense if there were. Not only do remarried widows/widowers strike that one right down, the fact that people change to a certainly does. I know I am not the same person I was when I was 13 and I seriously doubt I'll be the same person I am now at 33. Sure, some things remain the same but by and large, people change as their experiences change.

In light of that, I don't think that it makes sense that there would be one and only one "soul mate" for every person. In fact, I would go so far as to say that there's no "perfect" mate for anyone at all. Couples are always going to have minor grievances with each other, no matter how "compatible" they are.

The vital thing is that they realize that the love and commitment is more important than whatever the problem du jour happens to be. It's foolish to assume that a problemless relationship can be expected, is proper or common, that it necessarily provides hapiness to each party or that current problemlessness is a sign of a healthy relationship.

so if there is no such thing as a "soul mate", then any one person could form a loving, committed relationship with more than just one person. You yourself said that people change over time - so therefore, two people in a loving, committed relationship could not only run into problems, but change enough that the relationship no longer works. It doesn't sound like you would advocate divorce, as divorce would only lower the importance marriage holds, and it would no longer be "permanent". So therefore, wouldn't sex outside of marriage be justified?

~Side note, compatibility in a relationship is BS. I don't care what eHarmony says, a good relationship is about shared love and commitment, not whether you both like the same flavor of ice cream.~

wonderful example, ice cream is of such high marital importance.

anyway, compatability is very important in a relationship. suppose you couldn't stand the person you were with. you seem to hold theology in high regard - suppose there is a woman who is not only athiest, but she believes there is nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and aside from that, you simply don't like her personality, how she acts, how she talks, etc. do you think you could have a loving and committed relationship with her? no. You would have much more success with a woman who is religious, does not approve of pre-marital sex, and is like you in many other ways. in fact, I'm guessing that that's a fairly accurate description of your fiance.


now i wonder... based on this conversation so far, how would you judge me?

[Recon by Fire]

Holy cow, this thread is still going? Let me sum it up for all those who are confused at the ethical salad bar of life:

1. Having sex with someone not married to you - wrong.
2. Having sex with someone while you are married to another - wrong.
3. Abusing your spouse - wrong.

It's pretty simple, not much discussion needed


/thread

[slade]

Holy cow, this thread is still going? Let me sum it up for all those who are confused at the ethical salad bar of life:

1. Having sex with someone not married to you - wrong.
2. Having sex with someone while you are married to another - wrong.
3. Abusing your spouse - wrong.

It's pretty simple, not much discussion needed

/slap

theres not much more you can do to argue with this kind of illogical hardheadedness than to simply ask, why? why is it wrong, on what account, and who decided it was? specifically regarding your first statement. you have no merit if you have no reasoning.

[Recon by Fire]

Why is your question? It is a simple answer of morality, ethics, and respect.